dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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