Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
