i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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