These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
