I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
