oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
