pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
