I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
