Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Randomize
