That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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