her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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