Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
