cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
