Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
