I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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