she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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