Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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