My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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