I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
