Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
