just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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