We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
