She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
