Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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