My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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