Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
