So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
