Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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