Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
