I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
