The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
