I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
