I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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