Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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