I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
