what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
