what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm like, not good at living.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
