Christians are straight up FREAKS
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
