Who wears a wallet chain?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
