Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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