I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
