this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
