Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
