Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
