how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
