she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
