Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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