i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
