apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
