wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
