Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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