last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
