I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
